What do all women have in common? Besides love and the absolute need for dry shampoo, it is our ability to multi-task and fulfill multiple roles at once. Think about your own roles for a moment within your own home, career, church, family, and community. You may be a wife, mom, daughter, employer, employee, volunteer, student, teacher, and a combination of those plus so many more. We are constantly trying to balance our various roles and responsibilities. No matter what roles you find yourself fulfilling you are constantly pouring yourself into others all while placing your own needs, desires, and sometimes basic human essentials on the back burner.

We often get so busy with life, in general, we forget to take care of ourselves. We are unable to make time to rest, refresh, and reconnect. Sometimes based on our circumstances of career, family, and maybe even church and community we do not even have the option of self-care.  Unfortunately, our relationship with God can often succumb to this busyness of fulfilling our roles and lack of self-care.

I know I personally struggle with finding time to just fulfill my roles and responsibilities let alone find the time and energy for self-care. My family and I travel for my husband’s career and our life is not the traditional family life. My husband works out of town full time and we travel with him the majority of the time. We call Kentucky home and when we are on the road we have stayed in hotels until recently we now stay in a travel trailer at a campground. I homeschool our children ages four, six, and eight all while trying to keep our one-year-old from climbing on absolutely everything! My husband often works eighty-plus hours a week leaving the responsibilities of the house and now the camper, the groceries, the meals, the school work, the packing, the preparing, and the children to me.

Because we are out of town we are away from family and friends which means babysitters are basically non-existent without extensive planning ahead and travel on my part or our family that is willing to help us out when needed. This also means I do not have friends local to me to call to come over for some adult communication. By the time my husband gets home from work all the nail salons, hair salons, and anywhere else I could think of for some mama self-care have closed. Therefore, for me in this season of life self-care is not exactly how social media portrays it.

Maybe you can relate as a single mother trying to do everything on your own going out with friends, having a day at the spa those things are impossible when you don’t have the support you need. Maybe you are the one in your family working the eighty-plus hours at work leaving you with no clue what self-care even means. Being a college student that works full time, I’ve been there, there is no free time to relax. For some of us, there is no me time, no downtime, no self-care.

Often times our me-time, self-care time, or any free time can be the time we dedicate to focus on our relationship with God. Those times can get lost in the shuffle of our schedules and our roles. When our bodies are telling us we need that extra sleep in the morning instead of our quiet time with God. When we are unable to make it to church because of our kid’s extracurricular activities. When work keeps us from extra time studying our Bible. Unfortunately, when we are missing out on our alone time with God in prayer, bible study, in worship, and/or in connecting with him daily we may find ourselves feeling disconnected from Him.

This rut of disconnection from God is easier to fall into when the rest of our lives, though busy, are going well. When we are in the mundane of everyday life with little to no trials, tribulations, or emergent needs can easily be swept away by the busyness around us. Not having an urgent need or desire to bring to God we can be caught up in our daily life and pray our simple prayer or our routine grace before eating meals or maybe skip prayer completely. We may be so exhausted from fulfilling our roles as women we take those extra quiet minutes in the early morning to sleep in instead of reading a devotional or listening to our favorite podcast. We know we have a relationship with God, we love Him, we need Him, but we may not realize our lack of putting forth effort and time into our relationship with Him is actually causing us to slowly stop pursuing him altogether.

When we are not pursuing God and not seeking him in our daily lives we are not just taking a quick break or resting. We are, however, risking everything. Becoming less connected to God and allowing our spiritual priorities to become less important than our worldly priorities sets us on a path of disappointment and total spiritual burnout. When we are not fully in pursuit of God and striving for a deeper, intimate connection with him on a daily basis we are allowing a distance to wedge between us. Then when we hit a speed bump in our life like a struggle, a trial, or a tragedy it makes the direction we should go less clear. It allows the enemy to fill that gap between God and ourselves. Then the hopelessness creeps in, doubt, fear, and anxiety begin taking over. We begin to doubt God and question our faith.

We all need rest, trust me as a mother who has not slept since 2009, I know we crave rest. Actually, God wants us to rest. He himself rested, “And on the seventh day God finished His work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all His work that he had done.” Genesis 2:2 (ESV)  He rested because his job was finished. We often need rest before our jobs are finished and that is okay and to be expected. We should be searching for that rest in God.  He is our safe haven, our refuge. We should be in a dire need of rest in God. “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah” Psalm 62:8 (ESV)

Instead of just doing the bare minimum in our relationship with God and thinking we can just coast by as long as we are saved we need to invest ourselves fully in Him. We need to pursue him in the deepest most passionate way. We need to strive to meet with him daily over and over again. We need to submit ourselves, our days, and our roles over to Him. We should be fully immersed in the relationship with God instead of coasting by until we feel like we need his help. Jesus even took the time he needed to be alone and pray to God, “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” Mark 1:35 (ESV)

Once we have committed ourselves to God and we engage in that relationship fully and purposefully we may just find that balance and that rest we have been searching for. God created us for His glory and purpose. So why not allow the one who created you to define you, your roles, and your priorities. Give yourself the most important aspect of self-care, your relationship with God. If you are struggling with finding the time here are some quick ideas. 

5 Ways To Find Time for Self-Care With God

1.    Lunch break: No matter what your lunch break may look like this is a perfect opportunity to connect with God. Take 15 minutes to yourself, at your own kitchen table (or like most moms standing at your kitchen counter), at your desk at work, in your car in the drive-thru parking lot, whatever works for you! Open your favorite daily devotional and spend some time in God’s word. Maybe devotionals are not your thing and that is okay! Open your bible start in Matthew read one chapter each day at lunch.

2.    Early risers: If you are anything like me this may be the hardest idea for you. I am not a morning person in any sense. However, on those very rare occasions, I choose to get up before little hungry kids wake me up the quiet of the morning makes for a perfect time to do some bible journaling or just to spend some time praying. Write down your prayers in a notebook or on your phone and look over them the next few months see how God moves in your prayer life.

3.    Night owl: This is my personal favorite. When you are laying in bed and you cannot sleep instead of scrolling Pinterest for all the lovely ideas you do not have time to do, listen to your favorite podcast. Grab your headphones, get comfortable, and just soak in someone’s message about God from a podcast you love.  If podcasts are not for you then grab your Bible and a booklight and sink into your favorite Bible study.

4.    Mama: To all the other busy moms I know finding time can seem impossible. Take 15 minutes every afternoon. It could be during nap time or after school. Tell your older children to find a quiet activity, turn their favorite movie on, read a book, play a game on their tablets, whatever works for you and your family. Set that time aside for you to listen to sit down and just spend quality time with God. Pray, journal in your Bible, find a verse that encourages you and write it down.

5.    Working women: No matter if your career is at home, in the office, or on the road finding downtime is incredibly difficult. Turn on some praise and worship music while you are getting ready, in the shower, in the car, at your desk, while making breakfast, or whatever can work for your schedule. Just take that time to worship God through music.

Carve out the time anywhere you can find it. In the car, in the morning, at lunch break, after the kids go to bed, whenever you can get it.  Invest fully in your relationship with God and allow Him to move in your life giving you a purpose and the tools you need. Start scheduling in your self-care time and remember the best way to take care of yourself is to fully invest and commit to your relationship with God.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teachings of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26 ESV

As I was studying my Bible recently this verse really stood out to me.

First, anytime a verse from Proverbs 31 comes into play I am so tempted to feel defeated before even reading it. Let’s be honest the woman in Proverbs 31 seems perfect and I instantly think there is no way I am able to meet her standard. (Which I address in my book, You Are- Trusting God To Define Who You Are). But this verse is especially hard for me to live up to.

As Christians, we are already given this unfair idea of perfectionism, immeasurable kindness, and continual, unconditional love by both believers and non-believers. So when this verse is reinforcing the importance of what is coming out of our mouths and that kindness should be a major component of that I am instantly hit with guilt and the feeling of being a failure.

If you know me then you already know I have no problem talking! I have never really had a problem with saying what’s on my mind or how I feel about something. Having no issue with speaking freely and being assertive is a double edge sword at times. While I credit those qualities to helping me accomplish positive things in my life I can also say they have hurt me and discredited me at times as well.

When I think of what has come out of my mouth even in the last few months I can definitely say I did not always have wisdom, kindness, or love flowing out. Ask my husband and my kids and I am pretty sure they would agree with me. It seems those who are closest to us unfortunately are those who get the worst of us at times. The last year I have been working on being more intentional with my words and not just my words but the tone of my voice.

So I am taking this verse as my reminder to redirect my thoughts and therefore what comes out of my mouth. While speaking freely about what is on my mind and being assertive are a part of who I am, how I use those qualities are completely in my control.  Not only is this important for me to remember for myself it is important for the example I am setting for my own children. They mimic everything we do, what we say, and how we say it.

To help myself as well as my children we have been talking about using our words only to encourage and show love. We wrote down what biblical love is from the verses in 1 Corinthians 13 each characteristic of love on a post-it note. They each helped decorate them and we hung them up on the kitchen wall as a daily reminder for all of us as a family. It has not only helped them it has helped me! We do most of our school work in the kitchen, most of my daily housework happens in the kitchen, we spend so much of our day preparing, eating, and cleaning up in the kitchen it was the perfect location for us.

There is no need to assume that the famous Proverbs 31 woman was perfect either, I can assure you she was not. The quality that was most important about her was her faith and her intention. So I am focusing on my faith and my intention especially when it comes to my mouth! If you are like me maybe this can serve as a small reminder to you as well. So here is to controlling our tongues and focusing on speaking wisdom, kindness, and love to our husbands and our children.

 “13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)

As moms no matter what our situation is we all have at least one thing in common, we are always so busy! We often wonder where the day went when we look at our to-do list that has not been completed at the end of the day.

This week I have been trying my best to be more intentional in finding quiet time with God. A time I can really sit and communicate and open up with God not just a time to read a quick devotion or a few scriptures. It seems like so many moms wake up early before their kids for their quiet time with God or Bible study time. I have tried and failed many times at trying this route.

For starters most, days at least 1 of my kids are up by 6 AM so getting up before then is never happening. I have never been a morning person! Now as a mom of four then throw in some insomnia, a baby and 4 year old who I am pretty sure hate to sleep at night and you will always find me soaking up every minute of sleep between the hours of 4 AM to 6 Am.  

So if you are like me and rather stay up all night than wake up 30 minutes early I have some ideas of other times throughout your day that you can spend your quality time with God!

1. Nap/Quiet time. We have a nap time and/or quiet time every day at our house. Sometimes everyone sleeps and sometimes no one sleeps they just lay and rest quietly. They may be in their beds or they may be watching a movie while the baby sleeps. But I NEED this time for so many reasons as a stay at home mom who homeschools. This quiet time is the perfect opportunity for mommy to have some alone time with God!
2. Kids Free Play. Because we homeschool, we like to take breaks in between a few subjects throughout the day. In the morning we usually do a few subjects just after breakfast then take a break. The kids have “free play” in their rooms at this time. This allows me to clean up from breakfast and sneak a few extra minutes of alone time in my Bible.
3. Lunch Time. If you are a working mama lunch time is the perfect opportunity to have some quiet time with God. You can have alone time in your car, at your desk, in your designated lunch area in your office, at your favorite restaurant or coffee shop.
4. After Dinner. Maybe you have some time in the evening in between dinner and bed time ask your spouse to take over homework, bath time, or whatever your usual routine is and use that time as your alone time with God. It does not have to be every day maybe even once a week.
5. TV Time. My husband’s way to relax is to just watch TV. But my Type A Mom Brain does not work like that. If the TV is on, I need to be doing something else like scrolling for new DIY projects for my husband to do on Pinterest, or scrolling Instagram, searching for a new wardrobe on Pinterest, just anything else. So why not pop in some headphones and cuddle up on the couch with your Bible turn on some praise and worship music and open up to God.
6. Kid’s Bedtime. After the kids go to bed and stop coming in for hugs, water, bathroom breaks, repeat… use this as your alone time with God. Let the dishes and laundry pile up another day. Sit down with your Bible, journal, and the chocolate you’ve been saving all day and pour your heart out to God.
7. In the Waiting. Whether you are waiting for a doctor’s appointment, work appointment, sports practice, school pick up line take advantage of that quiet car or waiting room and pull your Bible out.
8. Middle of the night. Maybe you are like me and survive on less than 4 hours of sleep more than you would like to admit. Instead of lying in bed scrolling Pinterest or trying to solve every life problem you have at the time grab your Bible and spend that quiet time with God.
9. Set aside. Take the time and set aside one night a week or maybe a month and ask your spouse or a babysitter to take over for an hour so you can go be in your room or leave the house for some quite time with God.
10. OTHER TIPS: Have your supplies ready! Gather your Bible, Journal, pens, highlighters or whatever is your Bible Study style and place them in a basket, bag, or bin so they are ready for any opening in your schedule. Use headphones and some praise and worship music to drown out any interrupting noise. Have a Bible study, devotional or other reading materials ready and place them with your Bible.