This week in our She Perseveres group, we are going to start talking about our identity. In 2018, I published a short devotional sharing my journey; You Are- Trusting God to Define Who You are. So I wanted to just share a brief glimpse into how that came about.
Just a few years prior to writing my book, I had found myself struggling with my role of wife, mommy to three little ones all under the age of 5, employee, and student. Unbeknownst to me, God was going to use this tough season to teach me some valuable and life-changing lessons.
I was working outside of the full time in a law office. I worked 8-12 in the office and then I would go pick up my three littles, go home and work from home 2-6. I was also homeschooling my oldest, who was in kindergarten. I was a brand new homeschool mom who never imagined that would be part of my journey. I was in graduate school full time. Yet I still felt like I just wasn’t doing enough. I was exhausted. My husband was working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs at a time during that season of our lives. We neglected our marriage, and it showed.
I felt like I couldn’t do enough at work to be the best at what I was doing. I felt like I should be working in a better career to make more money to help support our family. I felt like I was overqualified for my job. I felt like I wasn’t spending enough time with our kids when I was in the office or on the computer either working or working on my schoolwork. I felt like I could be doing so much more for homeschooling our oldest. I felt like he needed to try all the sports and activities so he could branch out and make friends. So we were spending some evenings at practices and games. I felt like my husband, Jason, and I barely engaged in simple conversation most days. Date nights were non-existent. Quiet time to just sit and talk as a couple was non-existent. Alone time for just me, non-existent. I was drowning, completely overwhelmed, physically touched out from little ones, and felt completely inadequate and guilty for it all.
“I, like so many others, let the things others said to me, about me, and the experiences I had decipher who I believed I was at a young age. I felt inadequate, unpopular, unloved, alone, unworthy, and devalued”.
-Megan Wurzelbacher, You Are- Trusting God to Define Who You Are
I remember our church was hosting a women’s conference. We were still pretty new at the church and I didn’t know a single person. I knew no matter how awkward I felt; I was going to that conference. I saw it as an opportunity to take a break. Just for me. To get out of the house alone. I went all alone. I sat with complete strangers. I sat, and I listened to the woman on the stage speaking. It was like she had completely read my mind. Every word about how we often feel like we can’t measure up. How we feel like we can’t possibly be the best mommy for our babies. How we feel like we can’t balance it all. How we feel like we are letting at least someone down at all times. How we feel like will never be enough. How we feel like we are completely inadequate. So we stop. We stop trying. We stop showing up. We stop believing in who we are. We stop trusting in who God is. We stop and let the overwhelming feelings consume us. We stop and let the enemy’s lies hold us back.
That day, I so clearly knew God was calling me to share my journey with other women. He was calling me to share the real struggles. Because for the first time, I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only woman struggling with these feelings. To stop hiding everything I was holding in. To open up and share what I was feeling like. To let my husband know why I was feeling so disconnected and touched out. To stop focusing on my success in a career when I should be focusing on the ministry within the four walls of my home. I knew I was supposed to be homeschooling and only focusing on that. Not on building a successful counseling career or going to law school like I had planned for the next step. I knew he had called me to minister to other women by being open about my journey and struggles. I just didn’t know how that was going to happen, what it would look like, or when it would start.
That year, I dived into scripture more than I ever had in my entire life. I did every bible study possible. Read every book about women’s bible study I could. I spent every free moment I had reading my Bible. If Jason or the kids were watching TV, I would get my Bible out to read. If the kids were napping, I would get my Bible out and read. If the kids were playing dress up and the laundry and dishes were piled up, I read my Bible. I had never felt so close to God up to the point of my relationship with Him.
A few months later, I lost my job. We had no idea how we were going to make it without my income. Then, God. An opportunity came up at Jason’s job for a promotion that required traveling. We sold our house and spent the next 5 years traveling on the road with him full time. It was during that time when God called me to write a devotional, sharing a glimpse of my journey for other women and specifically busy moms. The part of my journey he wanted to share was what I had come to realize was what affected every aspect of my life and every choice I had made up to that point: my identity. I had learned so much in the 3 years after that women’s conference about my true identity that it was time to share.
As seasons have changed, careers have changed, states have changed, and my relationship with God has continued to flourish, I have learned even more about my identity and the identity of Christian women. Now as I enter yet another season of life, God has called me back to something he stirred in my heart over 8 years ago, to coach women by starting with reminding them of who they are because of whose they are. I hope you will join me on this journey!
