What is this coaching thing all about?

I wanted to take the time to explain a little further about what coaching is. Most people hear the word coach and go straight to sports. If you know me, you know without a doubt I have nothing to do with or abilities with anything sports related. So, I’m definitely not talking about that kind of coaching!

As a relationship coach, I am talking about the type of partnership between me and my clients. Coaching is used in sports, business, relationships, careers, and in various other areas of life. Coaching is about coming alongside you and helping you and your relationships flourish to their fullest potential. I am a guide supporting you to understand who you are, what your purpose is, what your goals are and what direction you want to go in the future, both as an individual and in your relationships. One quote that sums up coaching clearly is, “Unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their performance” (Whitmore, 2002).

Coaching, however, is not therapy, consulting, or counseling. I do not diagnose or label mental or emotional health disorders of any kind. In therapy or counseling, a licensed healthcare provider can and will diagnose disorders and help with providing or directing you to a provider for medication to go along with your therapy. In therapy and counseling, you would spend time focusing on your past. Discovering how those experiences (good or bad) or traumas have shaped who you are now. Therapist will help you work through those experiences and traumas. As a coach, I am more future oriented. Coaching is focused on not letting your past define who you are or what your future can be.

Another difference in coaching compared to therapy or counseling is the amount of time I spend with a client. As a coach, I may spend 3, 6, or 12 months with a client or sometimes longer, depending on the individual need. Whereas with therapy, they often spend years and years with a client. This allows them time to unpack the past in order to help work through unresolved issues.

Therapist are also licensed through the state and must hold certain degrees. Whereas coaching is not quite as rigorous. This is why it is important that you work with a coach who is qualified. My education and past career experience help set me apart from other coaches.

Holding a bachelor’s degree in psychology has given me a wonderful foundation for understanding the mind (the brain), and how our behavior as humans plays into that. The American Psychological Association defines psychology as, “1. the study of the mind and behavior. Historically, psychology was an area within philosophy and emerged from it (see epistemology). It is now a diverse scientific discipline comprising several major branches of research (e.g., experimental, biological, cognitive, lifespan developmental, personality, social), as well as several subareas of research and applied psychology (e.g., clinical, industrial/organizational, school and educational, human factors, health, neuropsychology, cross-cultural). Research in psychology involves observation, experimentation, testing, and analysis to explore the biological, cognitive, emotional, personal, and social processes or stimuli underlying human and animal behavior. The practice of psychology involves the use of psychological knowledge for any of several purposes: to understand and treat mental, emotional, physical, and social dysfunction; to understand and enhance behavior in various settings of human activity (e.g., school, workplace, courtroom, sports arena, battlefield); and to improve machine and building design for human use. 2. the supposed collection of behaviors, traits, attitudes, and so forth that characterize an individual or a group (e.g., the psychology of women).” (APA Dictionary, 2014)

Furthering my education, I received my Master’s in Human Services Marriage and Family Counseling from Liberty University. Giving me further tools and knowledge in counseling techniques with a Christian worldview. This allowed me to learn how to meet emotional and spiritual needs so I can provide my clients the necessary guidance backed in Biblical truths. At this time I was also certified as a Prepare/Enrich Facilitator to guide couples who are preparing for marriage or are looking to enrich their marriage through the #1 premarital and marriage assessment for over 35 years. You can read more about the Prepare/Enrich program here.

Working in Domestic Relations Court and a legal office focused on family law, I was able to apply my educational background to real-world scenarios on a daily basis for over 7 years. Working with individuals who were going through legal separation, divorce, dissolution, mediation, child support, spousal support, and child custody cases. I also worked within the domestic violence unit, assisting individuals seeking temporary and final protection orders from domestic partners. This experience, partnered with my educational background, gave me the ability to apply my knowledge not only in my own marriage and relationships but also to be a valuable, accomplished, and proficient coach for you.   

My coaching techniques are based on the Christian perspective of positive psychology and hope focused marriage counseling. Positive psychology in the Christian perspective means not ignoring the negative experiences of life such as anxiety and depression but instead emphasizing the positives because of whose we are and flourishing as individuals and in our relationships. Dr. Charles Hackney explains it as, happiness is not just about being cheerful or being in a good mood, it’s about flourishing as a highly functioning, mentally healthy, mature person. (Hackney, 2021)

Positive psychology is defined as, “… a field of psychological theory and research that focuses on the psychological states (e.g., contentment, joy), individual traits or character strengths (e.g., intimacy, integrity, altruism, wisdom), and social institutions that enhance subjective well-being and make life most worth living… [term coined by Abraham Maslow and adapted by U.S. psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman (1942–  )]” (APA Dictionary, 2014).

“Positive psychology coaching (PPC) is a scientifically-rooted approach to helping clients increase well-being, enhance and apply strengths, improve performance and achieve valued goals. At the core of PPC is a belief in the power of science to elucidate the best approaches for positively transforming clients’ lives.” (Cox, 2018)

Using positive psychology to help clients find and understand their strengths and areas that need growth allows us to focus on today and moving forward. With positive psychology rooted in Biblical truth as our foundation, I will also use various other coaching techniques, such as SMART goal setting, paired with the GROW model of coaching.

Here is an explanation of therapy vs. coaching that was shared by another coach that helps to conceptualize the difference with an everyday analogy,

“We’ll use the example of someone who wants to learn how to ride a bike.

If you go to a therapist to learn how to ride a bike.

You could find yourself sitting in a chair looking at the bike with your therapist. You might speak about all the times you tried to ride in the past and how it never worked. You would be upset as you remember repeatedly falling off the bike and skinning your knees. It was embarrassing and painful. People would laugh at you and tease you and eventually you gave up.

Now you avoid bikes all the time. In fact, you turn around and walk away when you see a bike. You would talk about those feelings. You would speak about the dysfunction of the situation and the therapist would help you using their many skills and expertise.

Through examining the past, they would encourage and support you in your healing journey.

If you engaged a coach to help you learn to ride a bike.

The coach may begin by finding out more about your goal. What is it about riding that excites you? They will help you get more in touch (and motivated) to start and persevere.

Then you will stand side by side with your coach at the bike. You are the one holding the bike and eventually sitting on the seat. With the coach’s encouragement, you learn to push forward and try it out. They will reassure you and ask you some questions. “how is it going? How are you feeling? What feels good and what is challenging?” At the end of the session you will have chosen some actions to practice. These actions are ones that you feel most enthusiastic about. So you feel pretty solid in them.

During your next coaching session, the coach wants to know. “so how did it go? What was good, what wasn’t, and what did you learn?”

Soon you find yourself back on the bike, it’s time for more practice. You are determined to learn this and with your coach cheering you on as you wobble and eventually get up to speed and proudly ride off.” (Motzek, 2023)

Though there are major differences within coaching and therapy, there are also some similarities. Such as coming together for an overall goal of success. The overall goal for both is to help their client overcome and achieve their goals. As your coach, I look forward to coming alongside you and helping you and your relationships flourish to their fullest potential.

American Psychological Association. (2014). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Apa.org. https://dictionary.apa.org/psychology

‌APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2014). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Apa.org. https://dictionary.apa.org/positive-psychology

‌Cox, E., Bachkirova, T., & Clutterbuck, D. (2018). The Complete Handbook of Coaching. SAGE.

‌Hackney, C. H. (2021). Positive psychology in Christian perspective : foundations,

concepts, and applications. Ivp Academic, An Imprint Of Intervarsity Press.

How To Answer The Question “What Is Coaching?” (n.d.). Step into Success Now. Retrieved March 12, 2023, from https://stepintosuccessnow.com/blogs/news/how-to-answer-the-question-what-is-coaching-like-a-pro

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