Seasons
I overuse the term seasons. I am fully aware of that. Whether I am writing or talking, say it all the time. I was recently working with a sweet couple that I am doing some pre-marital coaching with and left our meeting thinking, man I am pretty sure I say the word seasons like fifty times. But I just can’t seem to find another term that can replace it with the same meaning.
Because so many parts, stages, and times of our lives are just like seasons. You can count on them happening. You know they are coming. Sometimes you just don’t know the exact date. You know some are better than others. Sometimes they are harder than others. But you also know they don’t last forever.
Our family’s current season has been a new one for us all. As I have mentioned in my recent post, we are in a season of going through unexpected health issues with our youngest son. It has made a major impact on our entire family. We are also in this new season of being in the middle stage of parenting. Our kids are ages 7, 10, 12, and 14. We no longer have babies or toddlers running around. That saying the days are long and the years are short is sadly more and more evident each day.
It’s such a bittersweet thing to experience your kids going from completely dependent on you to doing so many things on their own. Some of those things come as a relief, as I am no longer changing diapers or just doing all the things for everyone every day. Some of those things I miss, like giving bubble baths to our babies while they splash around, barely able to sit up on their own. Knowing that everything they do each day may be the last time I do it with them, without realizing that exact last time is hard. But as our kids grow we enter into this new SEASON with them that is equally special. As they are able to communicate more in-depth with us and as we watch their bond as siblings grow, it has truly been a gift.
On the other hand, we are entering this teen and pre-teen life that brings hormones, big feelings, and so many emotions for all of us. I remember what middle school and high school were like for me and it was fun but also incredibly hard and exhausting at times. So trying to balance being the disciplinarian as the parent and being emotionally available to them can be difficult.
The biggest thing I have learned to keep at the forefront of my mind, especially during those lovely spurts of disrespect and eye rolls, is that they have valid feelings and they are also trying to learn how to work through them at the same time. During this new season, I have found an immediate need for more communication. Of course, we are not a picture-perfect family, by any means. So we have more moments of contention and blow-ups and then we say, oh hey we should have talked about this before we let our emotions take over. We have spent more time talking through situations and through feelings than was necessary or even possible in those earlier years.
Something we have been using that has been incredibly helpful is a feelings wheel. Now don’t get all weirded out on me. I know that sounds so odd. But it’s simply a piece of paper that I printed off that I found online. It was from a Bible-based teen magazine. It breaks down some basic feelings into some deeper ones. It has helped the kids connect what they are feeling and get down to where the behavior they are showing is actually stemming from. We have been talking a lot about our feelings and how they are indicators and not dictators in hopes of helping to give the kids the tools they need to work through their emotions and thoughts.
As we continue to encounter new experiences and new emotions in this season of middle parenting, we have approached it with the same goals in mind as usual. We want to have children who always depend on God and know to prioritize that relationship first and foremost. We want them to run to him for everything. We also want them to know how important our relationship as their parents is and how important their relationship as siblings are. We want them to continue to grow into healthy individuals no matter what season we are in.
So even on the hard days and on the days when we feel like we are getting it all wrong as parents, it’s important to remember that it’s all just a season and it will not last forever.
