What’s Next
As a planner and Type A person, I have always needed the comfort of knowing what’s next. Having a to-do list, a calendar, and a way to map everything out and know what’s coming brings me comfort and makes my brain feel at ease. Oddly enough, my natural desires and tendencies are the exact opposite definition of faith.
I’ve always tried doing things my own way and having that plan mapped out included having backup plans. No matter what season of life I was in, I always tried to figure out what was next. I used to always joke that I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, even as a full-grown adult. The one thing I did always know was that I wanted to be a wife and a mom.
Once I became a mom, trying to figure out how to balance that with a career was an instant struggle. Then add in the other thing I knew for sure: God had called me to be a homeschool mom, and that struggle became even more intense. For a season while we traveled full time with kids under the age of 7, I was able to focus solely on being a stay-at-home mom. Though I did a few side hustles over the years, they were few and far between and more of a mental escape for me than a financial need. Once we entered a new season of no longer traveling and Jason working fewer hours for less pay, add in more bills, a new home in a new state, and a job for me became a necessity.
I’ve always enjoyed working and have always put my all into whatever job I was doing. The only difference now is that above every job, the one thing that God has made incredibly clear is that I am to always make Him, our family, homeschooling our children, and our home my priorities. Over the last four years, I was able to sort of do that with real estate. Unfortunately, I often felt like I was letting work take precedence over home. I was constantly striving to look for my next client and know what was next.
After everything we have been going through with our youngest son’s health, I have felt really torn between work and home. We need my pay to help cover medical expenses, though it barely touches them. But I have felt the Lord calling me to trust Him fully, especially with finances and work. I’ve found myself realigning my time and priorities back to what I know the Lord is calling me to do, being a homeschool mom and sharing my journey with others. Not striving and trying to make things work for a crazy busy and successful real estate career, not overworking to have my next client lined up, not spending hours at my desk or on the phone. He has always provided for us. He has shown me that over and over throughout the years. So I know He will continue to do so. Doesn’t make it less scary or less confusing.
So though I am not really sure what is next or what exactly He has planned for me as far as work and opportunities to provide financial support to our family, I know it’s in His hands. I know he has laid it on my heart to get back to writing and sharing our journey as a family via blogging and social media. It was just time for me to take a step back and make sure I wasn’t trying to steal the pen from the author again. I’ve done that many times and it always makes life harder and pushes me further away from what’s important. So today I’m making sure that I am letting that pen stay where it belongs.
